from your letter

aww .


hai kawankawaaan :D

senang bisa jumpa lagi di acara cii luuk ba ! muaaah !!
kali ini aku ga nyeritain curhatan orang lain kek postingan sebelumnya yeeh .. tapi gentian si monyet sotoy aku dewe seng meh curhat . hihi . however, it's just about my life, my experience, my thought . so it's precisely if we're somewhat having a different opinion . i can take your advices and comments, but no flames okay ? *masalae aku dewe yo lagek blank . emaneman ae gitu loh nek kalian nge-flames tapi aku ramudeng karepmu, wkwk .

eh ~ tapi aku meh make bahasa campuran ii .
enggres - indo . gapapa yeh ? mala ben koyo kamus og .


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for my dear brother

i see you almost everyday . at school and somewhere else .
get along well with your friends, boys and girls . you mock them, they chase you, you run away . laughters and smiles . happinesses and joys melt together and create a wonderful spirit . usually i will burst into laughter too, just by watching your silly stupid acts . and i smile slightly when you stuck out your tongue to your pouting pals .

you look so happy .
i use to call you : ' brother '

and everything is just perfect .


but ..
i can recognize kinds of sadness in your eyes .
flashing briefly . makes no one has opportunities to catch them, to realize them . you, deep down in your mind -either heart, maybe- feel frustrated and depressed too, don't you ? however you're only human . your shoulders carry LOTS of burdens, too much, compared with what they can handle . people count so many stuffs on you and you just could never let them disappointed . am i right ? or wrong ?

you often hit by displeasing gossips or rumors .
because of your very existence . you have your own shits of life, for sure . like anyone does . of course you still fight against them so that they won't haunting your mind, but unfortunately some shitty things will come back . again and again . with the same topic, the same problem .

on the other hand, your duties cannot be put off .
you have to do that . you have to do this . these and those, like an eternity . sometimes i think, ' is it possible to person that he can keep everything which is pretty complicated inside ? won't his emotions explode someday ? ' .

your tired gaze tells me .
no matter what .. there are some moments which make you truly want to scream out loud, right ? when your path reaches its hard time . or when your path seems quite long to go through . but you can't . you simply can't bear them up . no, you never let yourself to do it . for anyone's sake but you .

that's what i thought ..


i don't know .
i don't even know the feeling of being a vice president of the student council .
i don't even know the feeling of being a real president of the school magazine .
i don't even know the feeling of being a member of our scout organization .
i don't even know the feeling of being the only male child in a family .
i don't even know the feeling of being you, brother .

but i try to understand all of them .
nowadays i still try, struggling to go with it . and i also really did .

i'm worried bout you .
i'm so worried, bro . will you always be okay ? of course not .
so what can i do in order to make you more relieve ? is there any ?

_________________________________

if only he reads this post ( tapi jujur ae aku harap dia tidak membacanya *jiper ), apa yang kurasain bakal sampe dengan efektif gak ya ? masalae gini temanteman ~ kalo bukan di sekolah, kami tu juaraaaaang bianget ketemu . abangku sibuk, sih -_______-"

tapi nek di smansol jayus aka jaya terus,
kesempatan dapet momen ngomong terusterang-terangterus gini susye setengah koit ! sumpah ! notabene abangku ( tetep ) orang penting bin sibuk tujukeliling, jadi kerjaane kiteeeeeeeer mulu kek kitiran kesambit lisus . yaah ~ meskipun aku jugak sering ikut ngiter, tetep ae gamungkin banget laah aku ajak ngomong kek gini di tengah terjangan tugas sebage organisator .



for last,
ada yang punya saran kaga ?